


for sin, for her, for me

by 1224



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28667622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1224/pseuds/1224
Summary: lucifer relives his fall and turns to his favourite bag of white powder(alcohol and drugs implied. mild referenced sexual assult/rape included, mild details of gore
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	1. heroin daydreams

**Author's Note:**

> i still have no clue how to write a fic ib by @/brqkenstar on twitter :)

it was peaceful at first. he was laughing and thought it was just another day of him and his family playing around, having a blast up in the silver city. 

it got dark though quite fast.

around him it was black. a shade of matte black with no reflection, yet it held the truth

the cold hard truth

every flaw, every hurt, every pain, every sin.

“...dad?!” he tried to scream out before the tide of water rushed through him and he found himself drowning. his eyes widened as the water around him became stained with a deep crimson red from all of the blood spilling from his back as he looked down to see his feathers falling out and tearing at his flesh. 

he heard ear piercing screams as he continued to fall deeper and deeper down south

just then everything became slow,

suffocatingly slow.

in the matter of what felt like a thousand years, he saw heads cracking open with body parts he couldn’t even recognize covered in blood, non consensual rough sex, a mass murder and genocide with the aftermath of each family realizing they’ll never meet their loved ones again, and an overlap of screams coming from the aftermath of all of the torture. 

lucifer was shown into the real world.  
heaven was all a lie. this is what was truly real.

before lucifer even knew it, he jolted awake covered in a cold sweat with freezing feet and a racing heart. 

he sighed in relief as he felt his tears dry up on his cheeks; his eyes heavy too. 

he had to get up, but refused to as he was scared something might’ve been leaning over the feet of his bed watching him. he refused to open his eyes but was comforted by the sound of his chloe next to him. 

unless it wasn’t. 

after not moving for a good five minutes due to fighting against the pain of the darkness while he closed his eyes or if the reality he’s in is just an illusion, he yet again realized fear consumed him. ever since he was sent down to hell for eternity nothing was ever the same since. 

he looked over and thankfully saw chloe sleeping next to him peacefully. he slowly got out of bed as he didn’t want to wake her up.  
she was his first priority. a tiny, vulnerable mortal and he needed her to get every ounce of rest that she could get. 

as the strands of his messy hair fell over his forehead and the tie from his robe traced the edge of the bed, lucifer walked over to his bar, Stumbling trying to catch his breath from his traumatic dream that he had. 

he struggled to keep quiet and partially even aim into the wide opening because of his glassy eyes and every part of his body profusely shaking.

once he nearly filled it up to the rim, he bit his bottom lip and he started to feel like himself again from the moment it burned against his throat.

he lit up a blunt that was on his piano and took a hit while sipping on his drink.

he needed more though. 

making sure chloe was still snoring, he stumbled over to his balcony while the smoke filled the air around him and he found a cooker, a lighter, a needle, and his favourite sight to see; a little ziplock bag filled with fine white powder. it was truly such a fine sight.

well, his girl first; then his drugs. 

he sat down and admired the view of los angeles at night. it wasn’t perfect but oh was it a dream. he falls in love with the city more and more each passing day in his agonizing eternity.

he looked down and once he grabbed everything he needed, he heated the heroin up fast and had it ready to go in the needle. it was quiet, which made the thoughts and memories become worse. he tried to drown them out with happy thoughts as he’s been in a complete trance with the woman of his dreams, but he continues to be chased by the demons that haunt him. 

he starts to break out in a cold sweat, starts to twitch and started to shake his leg to ignore every pesky thought. he laughs to ease the pain but it ends up turning into a frown and before he knows it he’s sobbing quietly again. every scream he’s ever heard before layer on top of each other, everytime someone has pulled their skin down to as far as they could and screamed to him as they lose themselves more and more down in the depths of hell. his voice fills up his head telling him he isn’t worth it and that he should go back to hell right now and continue torturing all of those souls. he was undeserving of a love and had his sadness turn into pure anger with himself and with chloe. he was shaking with pure anger because of how much love he had for her and how she didn’t see that she deserved someone more than the mess that he was. he frantically and shakily injected the heroin in and suddenly everything went quiet.


	2. a hand for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no cause i have no idea where this plot is going this is a mess now

lucifer got up and walked towards the railing and breathed in fresh air like he never has before. he felt like he was back in the clouds again and that everything was pure light. the skyline shone brighter, the air was sweeter, and his smile felt brighter and bigger than ever before.

he didn’t even notice the hand that came up to his waist and the sweet blonde miracle that he was able to call his. 

“lucifer what are you doing out here? lets go back to sleep” chloe said softly while tugging on his robe 

“detective i think i’m feeling a bit too awake and happy to want to go back to sleep. i’ve never felt better.” lucifer said with a smile, as if he was a little boy on christmas eve waiting for his gifts to come.

chloe looked concerned but lucifer was too far gone to notice. she noticed the acidic smell and when she turned to her right she saw the obvious use of drugs.

by this point she knew that he had a bad dream. they’ve been sleeping together for long enough now for her to know when he’s having a good night and when he’s not. 

she sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist as she looked up to see him so tranquil and happy. she wishes that he could permanently have rose coloured glasses on, even when sober; well, not on heroin at least.  
but she knew that would be impossible. he’s made her the happiest girl in the world and eased all of her baggage and she wished that she could ease all of his.

as 20 minutes passed by with lucifer rambling cute nothings that made no ultimate sense, he started to walk back inside. 

“what flying goat did he see-“ chloe thought to herself. 

chloe followed him, not sure as to where he was going but he paced around for a bit, the tie on his robe sliding on top of his coffee table and the arm rests on each chair, and the strands of hair on his forehead bouncing with each step he took. it felt as if she was taking care of a child as he sat down on the couch feeling breathless with his pupils blown out. he stared into the distance, then at chloe as she sat down on the left end of the couch.

“lucifer come here” she said as she made him lay down on his back using her thighs as a pillow. he pulled up a large, dark throw blanket and chloe adjusted it right up to his neck and made sure he was covered, she knew that he didn’t like any cold air seeping in, it reminded him of the wind that flew by him during the fall.

something was wrong.

his heart felt empty, his chest was sinking. 

as he came down from his high, he started blinking rapidly and his eyebrows began to furrow, he looked directly up into chloe’s eyes with pure fear and asked her “detective what’s happening?” 

he slowly took his hand out of the blanket to hold her tiny ones. 

without any words lucifer laid there in complete silence with an uncomfortably empty and blank mind while holding chloes hand to help ease the fear. 

he looked up at her and was deeply saddened. 

lucifer loved her, he did. but it hurt that all he saw was pain behind her strong yet soft blue eyes. 

it was bittersweet. to find somebody who looked at him like that. someone who looked at pure evil with nothing but pure love. 

he knew she was sad though. her blue eyes were filled with tears that were deeper than the ocean more often than he had hoped. loving someone so broken wasn’t easy, and he sometimes wished that he could give her to somebody else. someone who would make her truly happy with no sad tears in their love story.

they were a dream together, perfect even. he cared for her like diamonds and she loved him like gold. they would go to the ends of the universe and beyond for each other if they had too. or even just as a kind gesture out of love. 

he would storm heaven, bring it down with him and welcome hell’s new neighbour if he ever found a scar on her precious body. 

they relied on each other and knowing that they’re bound for inevitable separation one day hurts them more and more as each day passes flies through them. human life was short and sweet, but the afterlife was tiring and infinite.

his anxiety washes through him and he realizes it’ll just be like his fall all over again. going from pure happiness to hell. for eternity. 

he snaps out of his thoughts as he hears chloe’s voice echo through his head

“lucifer? lucifer. LUCIFER”

he snaps out of his trance and realizes he’s completely sober now. 

he feels okay. the pain gone for now; but the numbness taking over.

“you okay?” she asks as her messy hair hangs over his face, barely tickling his forehead. 

“fine. better than before.” he said

she tapped his shoulder so she could walk over to the kitchen to grab him a glass of water. he propped himself up in a seated position and stared into the distance while he wrapped himself with the blanket. 

seeing his bar and his drug stash hurt her. even if she knew he wouldn’t die, he suffered severely from substance abuse for years and years now and she wished that there was something in this world that could help him.

she came back with water and it always made her smile to see him drink water for once. he told her about his dream, the same story of his fall for the millionth time now, but she would be there for every sentence, and every word of the same story each time. 

he ended up in her arms once again as they shared the same throw blanket. lucifer gave her a kiss on the cheek and soft smile to let her know that he was thankful for her. 

he was adorable and it gave her nothing but heartache. the love she had for him was endless.

after talking for a few hours and sharing light laughs and forehead kisses, lucifer excused himself to the washroom while chloe put his glass away. when he came back out she waddled over, reached out her arms as they wrapped around his neck and held him close while he buried his chin into her shoulder and reminded him that he was safe with her. she rubbed his arm and crawled into bed as the sun started to rise up behind the curtains.

lucifer was cuddled in chloes arms and he buried his head under the blanket facing towards her chest. he always opted for a heavy, thick, fuzzy blanket cause the weight comforted his body. 

“lucifer i want you to know that you’re my best friend. you always have been and you’ll be for eternity; even when we’re apart.” chloe said softly while rubbing his back

“we don’t have forever and that’s why i fall in love with you more and more each day. i learned early in my life that everyday is a gift. i wake up next to you everyday in near tears because of how lucky i am to have someone like you. it’s not everyday someone gets sent an angel” she says with a light laugh. 

lucifer fidgets with the bullet around her neck as she continues talking

“everybody has their own reason of living and everybody is here for a reason. i know how hard it can be. i don’t even know what it’s like to be an immortal but, i’m here, with you, and i couldn’t ask for anything more lucifer.”

“this is why life is so special and the reason why it only happens once.” 

they lay together for a bit as lucifer holds her tight. he doesn’t cry but he breaths her in and cherishes her as he realizes that he’s lucky to have a slice of heaven on earth. 

they fall asleep hugging each other right and lucifer falls into a dream state once again.


End file.
